On Perfectionism

Textbook Perfectionist

I never really resonated with the idea of “perfectionism.” When I heard the term perfectionist, I pictured someone living in a perfectly neat & tidy house - laundry folded, window box flowers alive & thriving, & certainly no dog hair on the floor. A perfectionist probably wouldn’t even have a dog, would they? Somebody without a single hair on their head out of place. Someone well spoken, or heck maybe even quiet, that way they’d never say something too silly, too loud, too opinionated. A perfectionist was probably the valedictorian. Someone with a professional job who wore a business suit.

That was my visual for a “textbook” perfectionist. Not someone like me with quirks & obsessions & weird nuances. 

But, over the past few years the theme of perfectionism has bubbled up to the surface of my life & I’ve begun to realize the ways that it has in fact been a major stumbling block for me, for a long time…

Achievement & Approval

As I’ve begun to sort through how perfectionism plays itself out in my life, I’ve realized that I experience it the most is in areas where I want to achieve or seek to control others’ perception of me. So, while it may not play out out in my laundry room  (🧦⛰️) or my window boxes (🌸💀), it creeps into other very specific areas of my life.

Because here’s the thing, currently I don’t really care if all of my laundry is folded and put away in a timely manner. (Well I do, but it’s not making the top of the priority list.) And after all, I can shut my laundry room door and no one has to see the piles of unfolded laundry.

Where perfectionism does tend to show up for me right now is in areas that are more accessible to others. Where my achievement & approval are on the line. It’s why I regularly consider shutting down my whole business for the fear of disappointing one client. It’s why I tweaked & re-tweaked my editing presets for years before releasing them online. It’s why sometimes I don’t want to use social media at all for the fear of being misunderstood or misrepresented. It’s why I rework my blueprint for work & childcare over & over & over again, thinking if I rework the system a little bit more, I’ll be able to get it just right.

In my childhood, it looked like crying when being down by one. whole. point. in a basketball game (😬😳) or never getting started painting a canvas for fear of making a mistake or crying yet again when I didn’t score a perfect grade on a test.

Revelations in Counseling

In counseling last year, one of my biggest (& so seemingly simple) break throughs with my counselor was that I needed to let go of the concept of IDEALS. She told me, something like this: You seem to think that if you keep tweaking everything, you can make it perfect. You can reach some ideal you have in your mind. But life isn’t ideal. And that’s a truth you need to accept.

Life. isn’t. ideal. 🤯 I mean truly, as simple as this is, it shookkk me. 

Because my first thought when she said that was: But but but, if I could just tweak it one more time, if I could just implement a better system, if I just had a little more time… I could reach a perfect ideal.

We were talking about releasing my presets at the time and she asked me, how many more hours, days, or weeks would it take for it to be good enough to put out into the world? And I couldn’t think of an answer because I thought well, it could always be better before sharing it publicly…

And when talking about my work & my motherhood, she asked what would make me feel satisfied that I was doing it all well? Would I ever be able to find a truly perfect balance of it all? (You know the answer to that.)

2 Sides to Every Coin

If you relate to this at all so far, let me say, phew! I am glad I am not alone. But also, let me encourage us that whatever it is in us that leads to a spirit of perfectionism may not be all bad… Perfectionism seems to have 2 sides to the coin.

On a positive note, I think perfectionistic tendencies can be correlated with high achievement, making people happy, doing things with excellence, producing valuable work, creating beautiful things, etc. It’s likely that the drive inside of you to be perfect has brought forth some incredible things in your life.

But on the flip side as referenced above in my own life, perfectionistic tendencies can slow down progress or prevent you from ever getting started at all. It can stifle your creativity & hold you back from sharing beautiful things with the world.

Personally, it has definitely been one of my greatest creative blocks. It has filled me with fear. Held me back from sharing creatively. Kept me from being more fully known by others. And it has robbed me the joy of enjoying just how sweet & wonderful life truly is.

Loosening Our Grip

In a recent podcast I listened to, the host Jenna Kutcher gave advice sort of like this. “Letting go” of perfectionism may not be realistic. It’s a deeply engrained part of your personality & sometimes, it even serves you well. It’s part of what’s gotten you to where you are today. “Letting go” completely may not be possible right now. But can you loosen your grip on it? Enough to take the next step, to move forward more quickly, or to even get started at all?

That is my goal. To loosen my grip. There’s no way I can change who I am over night & just let go of perfectionism as its expressed in my life right now. But I can loosen my grip and I feel encouraged by that.

Oh perfectionism. How many creative endeavors have you stopped in their tracks? How many ideas have you squashed? How many projects have you delayed? How many fears have you instilled? How much joy have you robbed?

As I loosen my grip on perfectionism, over time, hopefully perfectionism can loosen its grip on ME, too.

Do you relate?

So, I really want to know - Does considering yourself as a perfectionist to some degree feel like a new breakthrough or is it something you’ve recognized for a while? Where do you struggle most with perfectionism? What have you done to combat it in the past? What is ONE way you can loosen your grip today?

Let me know in the comments below or heck, shoot me an email here!

Perfectionism Free Verse

A Deadly Combination

Creativity & Perfectionism.

A deadly combination.

Creativity picks up speed & gains momentum with every step.

Perfectionism stops her in her tracks.

Creativity springs up ideas like flowers after rain.

Perfectionism squelches her like a drought.

Creativity bubbles up joy overflowing.

Perfectionism stifles her with fear.

Oh, Perfectionism. How many creative endeavors have you stopped in their tracks? How many ideas have you squashed? How many projects have you delayed? How much joy have you robbed with fear? If I loosen my grip on you, will you loosen your grip on me, too?

Creativity, take back your seat at the table darling.

If you liked this blog, maybe you’d relate with some of my other musings, too!